Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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