do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
