So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
