thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
