...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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