everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
