he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
