the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
