I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
