If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
