Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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