im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
