Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
