Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
