Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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