My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
