I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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