Don't make out with my wife yet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
