You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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