Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
