to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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