My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
