I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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