I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
