Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
