I met the friendliest cop last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
