you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
