im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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