the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
