Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
