I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
