Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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