I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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