Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
