Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
