i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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