Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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