yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
