I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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