TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
