I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
