Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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