Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
