Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
