Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
