can we get nightvision for the apartment?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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