New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
