peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
