dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
