I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
