The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
