Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i dont even know how to be here
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Found the puke drawer
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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