Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
