I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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