I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
