Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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